Everything I need to know I learned before 2nd grade (subtitle: my wasted 19 years of education)
Well, today is my first day of school. My last first day in my life I hope (This is my final year in law school).
So, I'm sitting in the law library right now. Trying to read Agency Law. Doing EVERYTHING but reading. I'm 30..I'm too old for first days of school. I'm so over this! But, just saying that makes me sound like I'm in Highschool..lol..LIFE COMES FULL CIRCLE.
I told my daughter (who's going into 2nd grade) that mommy was going back to school next week. She started asking questions, like all second-graders are obligated to do.
Q: What grade are you in?
A: I'm in my third year law school, honey
Q: No, mommy, what GRADE.
A: I just told you, third and final year law school
Q: No, mommy, I'm in 2nd grade, my friend Tom's in 3rd grade, what number grade are you in
I pause...I had to use my hands, and toes, then hands again to get an answer tio this one. Let's see 12 years plus 4 years undergrad plus 3 years law school.
A: I'm in 19th grade
OMG, 19th grade.
I start to think to myself have I REALLY learned 19 years worth of material. I mean, I learned most of the important things 16 or 17 years back in my education. You know, important things, like you must wait in line to go to recess, don't eat glue, and you should not kick, bite, or hit others.
OK, maybe I did learn some other useful things. I learned math somewhere in there, I'm sure that's somehow useful. On the other hand, it just took me 5 minutes, one hand, one foot, and one hand again to figure out what grade I was in.
I also learned writing skills somewhere in this 19 year educational excursion. I am sure that was useful. On the other hand, are writing skills really useful to lawyers? I mean, do lawyers really actually write in the English language? If you have ever read a contract drawn up by lawyers, you know what I mean.
As I'm coming to the brutal realization that I have not learned anything useful since 2nd grade, I realize my daughter is desperately trying to gain my attention.
Q: What classes are you taking.
OK, the true answer is I'm taking Agency Law, Criminal Procedure: Post-investigative Process, Juvenile Law and Remedies. This would make no sense to an 8 year old. This makes little sense to me.
A: I study law.
And I get a perplexed look. But she presses on.
Q: What classes, mommy, like reading and art?
A: Well, I am studying Juvenile Criminal Law (I have no idea why this one came to mind)
Q: What's that?
OK, here I forget the verbatim. My mind was actually someone stuck on the fact that I've just wasted 19 years in a class room and learned nothing. But, somehow, I freaked her out. In my explanation of the class, I gave her the impression that we throw 2nd graders in jail for not cleaning their rooms....on the other hand, maybe it's not so bad I gave her this impression.
Q: Are your teachers nice?
NO! My professors are assholes. Total pompous ass-wipes. They try to make you cry in class. They are so full of themselves. They are lawyers for God's sake.
No, I did not say this.
A: Yes, they are nice
Q: Are you excited mommy?
A: Yes, I'm excited to start back.
Then my daughter says, well, I want to go to school to be a veterinarian to help sick animals.
I'm thinking, good choice. At least you may learn something useful, and maybe save a dyeing squirrel you just struck with your SUV on the way home from work.
Another successful conversation in my road to successful parenting.
So, I'm sitting in the law library right now. Trying to read Agency Law. Doing EVERYTHING but reading. I'm 30..I'm too old for first days of school. I'm so over this! But, just saying that makes me sound like I'm in Highschool..lol..LIFE COMES FULL CIRCLE.
I told my daughter (who's going into 2nd grade) that mommy was going back to school next week. She started asking questions, like all second-graders are obligated to do.
Q: What grade are you in?
A: I'm in my third year law school, honey
Q: No, mommy, what GRADE.
A: I just told you, third and final year law school
Q: No, mommy, I'm in 2nd grade, my friend Tom's in 3rd grade, what number grade are you in
I pause...I had to use my hands, and toes, then hands again to get an answer tio this one. Let's see 12 years plus 4 years undergrad plus 3 years law school.
A: I'm in 19th grade
OMG, 19th grade.
I start to think to myself have I REALLY learned 19 years worth of material. I mean, I learned most of the important things 16 or 17 years back in my education. You know, important things, like you must wait in line to go to recess, don't eat glue, and you should not kick, bite, or hit others.
OK, maybe I did learn some other useful things. I learned math somewhere in there, I'm sure that's somehow useful. On the other hand, it just took me 5 minutes, one hand, one foot, and one hand again to figure out what grade I was in.
I also learned writing skills somewhere in this 19 year educational excursion. I am sure that was useful. On the other hand, are writing skills really useful to lawyers? I mean, do lawyers really actually write in the English language? If you have ever read a contract drawn up by lawyers, you know what I mean.
As I'm coming to the brutal realization that I have not learned anything useful since 2nd grade, I realize my daughter is desperately trying to gain my attention.
Q: What classes are you taking.
OK, the true answer is I'm taking Agency Law, Criminal Procedure: Post-investigative Process, Juvenile Law and Remedies. This would make no sense to an 8 year old. This makes little sense to me.
A: I study law.
And I get a perplexed look. But she presses on.
Q: What classes, mommy, like reading and art?
A: Well, I am studying Juvenile Criminal Law (I have no idea why this one came to mind)
Q: What's that?
OK, here I forget the verbatim. My mind was actually someone stuck on the fact that I've just wasted 19 years in a class room and learned nothing. But, somehow, I freaked her out. In my explanation of the class, I gave her the impression that we throw 2nd graders in jail for not cleaning their rooms....on the other hand, maybe it's not so bad I gave her this impression.
Q: Are your teachers nice?
NO! My professors are assholes. Total pompous ass-wipes. They try to make you cry in class. They are so full of themselves. They are lawyers for God's sake.
No, I did not say this.
A: Yes, they are nice
Q: Are you excited mommy?
A: Yes, I'm excited to start back.
Then my daughter says, well, I want to go to school to be a veterinarian to help sick animals.
I'm thinking, good choice. At least you may learn something useful, and maybe save a dyeing squirrel you just struck with your SUV on the way home from work.
Another successful conversation in my road to successful parenting.
posted by KinkyCatholicLawyer @ 7:00 PM
4 Comments:
At Monday, August 22, 2005,
Masha said…
I am not an emotional person, but i'm slightly worried that when I get to law school they will crack me.
At Monday, August 22, 2005,
C. Hedges said…
Good luck with your law career!
Enjoy law school while it lasts. I miss hanging out with my classmates and not really having to worry about anything (except for myself).
Don't take a job just for money. You'll get burned out if you don't do something you enjoy. I'd go crazy if I had to do family law, even if I was making millions.
Sometimes making less money means a better lifestyle. (I wonder how many people working 90 hours a week wish they could buy some time off).
The secret to all legal research -- Keynotes. (If I would have been thinking when I was in school, I would have printed them out for all of the cases in my casebooks).
Always be nice to the clerks of the courts. They work very hard and are underappreciated. Always offer to assist if there is something you can do to help them -- i.e. file marking pleadings, etc.
Always be nice to the staff. They work hard to make your life easier. And, you never know what they may end up doing later in life. There is a judge in Chicago who started out as a paralegal at a law firm.
I'm sure I'll think of a few more things.
Deliberate Chaos
BA~~32
At Thursday, August 25, 2005,
Admin said…
Tis good. I even heard a loud chuckle from myself as I scrolled down your latest blog. Nice work kinky.
Yeah, I went to school (obviously as I can read and speak and stuff) but what good did it do me when they forced algebra and trigonometry down my throat. Have I ever used it since? No!
I prefer the American school system, more choice. I think kids should have choices, that way they don't get so bored, which leads to making trouble, smoking pot and generally disregarding education as something that might actually be useful! ... I had a troubled time!
Anyway, looking forward to the next post and good luck with the final year. I hear that one is always the hardest!
At Wednesday, September 21, 2005,
Elizabeth said…
Everyone told me that 2nd year was the hardest. But 3rd year was worse (my own fault for taking on too much.)
I think I'm in 23rd grade. So 19th isn't so bad, really.
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