Wedding Cake On Board

Today I was driving down U.S. 1 on my way home from my massage. The sought-after relaxation effects were being ruined by the damn traffic. Just as I started to move, I see a car ahead of me with its double blinkers on traveling at a speed of about 15 MPH. As I near the car, I see a hand-made sign affixed to the back window:

"WEDDING CAKE ABOARD."


Ok, is the sign supposed to provide incentive for me to drive more carefully and avoid an accident with this prized "wedding cake" car, or rather, encourage me to drive recklessly.


I chose the latter. I mean, do these egocentric people really think I give a flying fuck that their little wedding cake is in the car. As if they expect me to think "Oh, a wedding cake. I will guard it with my very life."


Then i start to think about the whole ________ on Board fad that took the nation in the late 1980's.

You know:

Baby on Board
Child on Board
Honor Role student on Board


Like the wedding cake sign, did these moronic bumper stickers actually cause persons to drive more carefully to protect THEIR precious cargo?

I THINK NOT.

There are actually a few ______ on Board stickers that could serve some useful purpose. Of course, they were never produced, because bumper sticker with utility rarely are. But, for any enterprising individuals reading this blog, here are some ideas:


ASSHOLE ON BOARD

Life would be a lot easier if assholes properly identified themselves. Hell, I'd probably be one of the first people to put this sticker on MY SUV. Enough said.


OLD FUCK ON BOARD

I'm sick of getting stuck behind 100 year old people in Cadillac's driving 35 MPH on the highway in the passing lane when I'm late for my manicure. Short of revoking their license, can I please get a warning.


STEROID-USING ANGER-PRONE PERSON ON BOARD

I may be prone to road-rage myself, but I draw the line at yelling and screaming things like "Get the fuck out of my way granny" and "Move, you pathetic moron. I draw the line at any sort of physical violence. This sticker could avoid road-rage of the dangerous type.


HOT SINGLE GUY (OR GIRL)ON BOARD

Can be "GIRL" too. What do all you single people think?
Can I get a "Hell Yea?"


I welcome comments with any other ideas from people reading this (LOL at my delusion that anyone reads this.)


I know you are anxiously waiting to hear the fate of the Wedding Cake. After tail-gating the car for a half a mile, I decided to back off. Some bride and groom deserve one last happy day of wedded bliss in their life before they discover the torturous scam called "marriage" they just entered into.