Legal Advice: Seek Therapy

As I approach my end goal of becoming "Kinky Catholic Girl, Esquire," I have become more and more observant to the connotations that the word "lawyer" stirs up in people.

A great majority of the population, it seems, HATES lawyers. It does not matter if you are an attorney who defends rapists, or writes wills, or prosecutes criminals, or represents children in abuse cases. Part of becoming a lawyer is just accepting being hated. Period.

When I am at a bar and strike up a conversation with a man, I always dread the inevitable question:

"So what do you do for a living?"

I honestly think I am going to start telling men I am a prostitute or a trash-collector. The whole never-ending "Kill all lawyers" spiel is getting old already . . . And I'm not even a lawyer yet.

Then, there are those people who, upon hearing you are a law student, try to solicit free legal advice. First off, I am not yet a lawyer, and I can not give legal advice. Second, even if I was a lawyer right now, no competent attorney can give off-the-cuff legal advice without any legal research on the subject. Especially after doing 5 "Lemon-Drop" shots.

The most annoying though, I have found, are persons that actually want personal advice, but, for some reason or another, frame it as seeking legal advice.

For example, one day I was in a diner, wearing my "Law School" sweatshirt. The waiter actually SITS DOWN at my table and tells me his life story. He worked with a girl for a week, she moved into his house, she fucked his father, then she left with his money and stole his marijuana.

My best advice?

Seek therapy.

Second piece of advice?

Not a great idea to tell a prosecutor about your drug use

Third piece of advice?

Don't quit your job as a waiter.

Then there was this man one day behind me in the grocery store. Again, I was wearing a damn "Law School" shirt. He started scrutinizing the cost of every item as the cashier as she was ringing it through:

"You spend 6.49 on cheese?" (It was my favorite goat cheese)
"Now I know why my divorce attorney charged me so much. I hate lawyers."

All this criticism used to bother me. I used to feel a compulsion to argue the point. Now I just chuckle and think to myself...

Yeah, buddy, but some day you may need me...
And when that day comes...
I will be worth a lot to you...
Like $350 and hour