Would-Be-Anniversary

Today, nine years ago, I got married.

This is my second "would-be-anniversary" without my ex-husband. Last year was pretty hard, but this year I'm not feeling overly-emotional.

However, I am feeling overly-contemplative.

Asking myself:

Did our marraige not work because it wasn't meant to be, or am I just not "marraige" material?
Did I give up too soon?
Wasn't life with him better then life is now?
Why did it end?

I know the answers to all these questions.

I think I just feel a dysfunctional compulsion to punish myself.
To doubt myself.
To crucify myself.

"Would-be" events often take on a larger meaning then the actual event itself would have taken on. In the end, today is just another day.

And another day to continue

My slow,

But steady

Progress,

Towards

A fulfilling existence.