My silent phone

My phone has not been ringing lately.

I'm beginning to think I'm a complete and total failure at the dating game.

I'm smart, I'm fun, I'm attractive, I have a good job, I'm modest.

I really don't get it.

Just as a quick synopsis. I have been seperate from my husband almost 3 years. In that time I have only had one semi-relationship. The last year in a half has been a long string of first-dates. I have an ad on Match.com, where I have met most of those only-dates. I do not love trhe idea of Match.com, but every time I take my ad off, I'll realize 4 months later I have not talked to a man in 4 months. I admit, I'm a bit of a loner and a workoholic. But I do get out at least a couple times a month.

Again and again my experience falls into one of the three categories:

1. About 45% of the times i meet a guy. I'm attracted. He seems interested. It usually takes about 15 minutes after I meet him in person to realize he just wants sex. One guy tried to talk my into giving him oral in his car on the FIRST DATE. A few of these men last to date 2. By this time they are fighting with my why I am wrong to wait to get intimate with them. All of the men in this category who I HAVE gotten intimate with have NEVER called me or returned my calls. The one's who I did not get intimate with still call me once ever 2-4 months, but NEVER return my calls.

2. About 30% I'm simply not attracted to. I like tall men and I like confidence. I have a law degree, I own a house, I have a career. My best friend keeps setting me up with unemployed men who dropped out of highschool and still live their parents. Not happening!

3. The final 25% is the group that has me depressed. Typical scenerio. We meet on Match.com. Conversation is great. We exchange pictures. We start talking on phone. He starts calling every day or every other day. We arrange to meet. The meeting goes seemingly great. I call my friends and tell them about this great guy I met. Sometimes we go on second date. But again and again after date 1 or date 2 he just STOPS CALLING. I will call once, waitr a week, call once more, then give up. They never give any reasons. I went out with a guy this past Monday. Date seemed GREAT. WE hovered 90 minutes after we were done eating to talk. He said he'd be away on business this week, but to call him and he'd like to see my again when he returned. Guess what? I called Tuesday. He still has not called back. And my message was very casual, just saying "hi". It has been 4 days since my unreturned call, 5 days since first date, and I'm losing hope. And I'm just frustrated. It's hard enoungh to meet men you "click" with. It is worse when you FELT a click then for no reason they disappear.

So, I did an informal poll of friends and family regarding my dating nightmare. Here's results:


Dave (male friend, divorced, early 40's): That's just part of dating. That's the way it is. It's a numbers game

My response: Numbers game? I've been out of 100 (and I'm really not exaggerating) dates in 3 years and only TWO men I've met have made it to date THREE! This can't be how it is. I see friends "lapping" me (in 2-3 long term relationships in the amount of time it takes me to get on ONE second-date with ONE man). People ARE pairing up. Am I playing game wrong?

Christine (female best friend, divorced from short 1 year marraige, mid-30's, always has a boyfriend): You are trying too hard. Let it happen natural. That whole Match.com site gives me the creeps.

My Response: You may be right to some extent. Right now I'm trying too hard. But I go through long streches of not trying, and find myself living like a nun. It seems if I make no effort then NOTHING happens. I'm NOT the girl who men go out of their way to meet with one glance, and I'm NOT a bar-scene person. Where else am I supposed to meet men?

My Mom (on her second marraige): You are fat and men do not like fat women, especially the men you are looking for are attracted to very trim women.

My response: That has been my mom's excuse for EVERYTHING since I was like 10 years old. At age 12, I was too fat and that's why I did not make diving team, at 18 (and a size 6) I was too fat and that's why I did not get into sororeity. When my marraige failed, she claims my weight is reason. Her weight-obsesssion aside, I'll confess I'm not a skinny girl. I am a very well-proportioned, atheletic size 10 or 12. I know I am too big for many men. This frustrates me, because I'm "thick" or "curvy". I am built like Marilyn Monroe. I think I look good. I think the body shape most men find attractive is very unattractive. My mom has a valid point that men of high socio-economic classes, for some reason or another, like small (size 6 or below) women. The fact that my WEIGHT may be reason I can't keep men interested in me frustrates me to no end. IF MEN ARE THAT SUPERFICIAL, FUCK THEM! I'M BETTER OFF ALONE!

Matt (31 year old, male, never married, wants to date me): You pick the wrong men. You dismiss too many good men without giving them a chance.

My response: Hmmmm, you may have a point there. However, how can I help who I'm attracted to? My criteria are pretty simple: I only am attracted to TALL men with good jobs who dress well and have confidence. Oh, and who aren't balding. Oh, and who are DOMINANT. I can;t handle men with even a hint of submissive in their personality. The whole nature of Match.com MAY be the issue. I'm thinking of giving up the reigns for my Match.com account and letting friends pick my dates from Match.com. I get about 3-5 emails from Match.com a day. I have to pick who to get back to. Maybe I'm chosing wrong? In the end, I tend to be attracted to men who are PLAYERS. Guys who don;t have a certain zest don;t even make it to first date. I think I'm willing to give different men a chance, but if I don't feel chemistry, what's the use?

I seriously am looking for fellow blogger feedback. I'm really about to give up altogether, Be brutally honest, why do you think I can attract men but not keep them for more then 2 dates?

Patiently waiting your responses.....KCL