What I want, What I need, and How I want to Feel

Two recent phone conversations

RING RING

Me: Hello
John: Hi Baby
Me: Hey
John: I miss you baby
Me: So how are you
John: I miss you, do you miss me?
(Me: In my mind: Gag, Barf, please go away!)

RING RING

Me: Hello
Todd: Hey
Me: What's up?
Todd: I'm sitting here naked. My cocks hard. I'm thinking of you in the corner last month. When you were tied up and on your knees and I came on your face.
Me: MMMMM, can you come over tonight
Todd: no baby, I'm tired
(Me: In my mind: I WANT TO FUCK YOU SO BAD)
Todd: I'm going to bed. I'll catch up with you later.


I have a confession.

I chose men poorly.

The only men that I'm interested in are bad for me.

And all the "I Miss You Baby" guys make me run towards the door.

I tried to make it feel right with John. After all he adores me. He is a real gentleman. He is not a cheater.

But when it comes down to it, when I have to chose. when I'm home

Alone

Honry

Lonely

And the phone rings

And its John,
Or his mirror images Dr. Dan or Rick

I send call to voicemail.

And with one swift motion.

Call Todd, or his mirror images Bob or Karl.
(All of whom aren't capable of love)
(All of whom aren't capable of respect)
(All of whom don't know the definition of commitment)

And beg and plead to stick me in the corner. To tie me up, T come on my face. To make me like their fithy little whore.

To make me feel

ALIVE

WHOLE

EUPHORIC

For just one night.