8:56 PM..and he still has not called

Well, it's 8:56 PM and HE still has not called.

"HE" being my boyfriend, or should I say ex-boyfriend?

This is my first break-up since highschool. My first real relationship since my ex-husband.

And I have grown up so much in these years. I used to be so needy and desperate. I remember the many times while we were dating my ex-husband broke up with me. I cried and called and cried and called and yelled and drove by his house and left messages. I felt like I would die.

I do not think I will EVER have that feeling of utter desperation again. This is because I have learned to be happy with myself.

BEING ALONE NO LONGER SCARES ME!

But still its hard.

This time I did not cry hysterically or plead or drive to his house or leave many hysterical messages. This time I grieved quietly, alone in my room, with a glass of hot tea and a book by Wally Lamb and my favorite blanket. This time I have not called him, begging and pleading for one more try.

But it still hurts.