Have a terrible Christmas, you insignificant moron

I have become mean lately.

I really do not know what my issue is.

Mean and arrogant.

Sometimes I can not believe things I'm saying are coming out of my mouth.

I actually yelled at a bouncer at a club a few weeks ago:

"Do you know who I am, you wanna-be actor."

I have been saying things to people just to hurt them.

This really is not me, or is it?

I am going to be a lawyer in less than 9 months. I feel as if I've been trampled upon, spat upon, looked down at, talked down to, patronized, laughed at, used, and demoralized for 30 years.

And now, I'm finally proving myself to the world.

At 30, I've never had a job. Never had a career. Never had anything to make me anything.

Now I have something.

But I still feel nothing.

And I hate the world. I hate you and you and you and you. Because, I've proven myself. I've made something of myself. I've accomplished something.

And still I am nothing.