Can't Leave and Still Stay

I received my Final Divorce Decree today.

It is official,
and I do not know how I feel.

As soon as I received the document, I called my ex (who remains my good friend)

Ex Responded: "I just want you to know that Maggie (his girlfriend) and I are going to progress rather rapidly."
Me: "Are you engaged."
Ex: "Not yet, but I expect to be married by years end."

A jewel song was playing on and on in my mind...

"Am I standing still. With the scenery flying by. Am I standing still?"

With emotions spinning out of control, I immed one of my closest friends.

Croaker: You knew this was coming, I mean she moved in with him.
Me: I know.
Croaker: It's time to move on.
Me: But do you know what this means? It means no more Christmas nights on his couch. No more vacations as co-parents. No more friendly lunches.
Croaker: You can't leave and still stay.

Then it hit me:

I HAVE NOT MOVED ON.

I may have been living alone for 3 years. I may have been out on 100 dates. I may have bought my own house. But still...

I have not let go of the past.

I always believed that, despite the divorce, my ex would still be the one...

With whom I vacationed with our kids
With whom I spent Christmas morning
Who I would call when I had a flat tire on the middle of I-95
Who I would call when a guy broke my heart.

Today it hit me: Things are going to change.

Why am I standing still?